This one by far has lasted the longest. (By the way, dwahling, am loving your tu-tu and Toys R Us tiara! There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. I'd never be able to get over it. male He never says this so I knew it was something serious. I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. The moment feelings are involved then youve cheated. Try to let it go and forgive yourself. I kissed another guy when drunk but can't remember?! | He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. If the reaction is strong, then maybe dont say anything. 10 Do's And Don't's Of Dating Multiple People | Thought Catalog I get the whole 'not wanting to hurt him' thing but, to some people at least, a kiss is very much cheating and so the SO deserves to know what happened right? When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. .Houston, you and I have now strengthened our bond (whereby attention and affection follow) by together having conquered a potential crisis which can now longer be called a problem rather than a PAST godsend of a dual warning (not enough attention/affection worthy of marriage) merely in problematic clothing. Unforeseeable consequence. You kissed a guy - Possibly unforgivable. I kissed another man four years ago. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. You already have internalized that part. What does it mean for my marriage? I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. 10 Things You Didn't Know About Guilt | Psychology Today Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. If your boyfriend still trusts you- then his faith in your fidelity moving forward should give you faith in yourself. I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. Confesing to your husband was risky. I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. ;-)) But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. focus on you and your DH. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. I certainly wouldnt throw him under the bus -just yet. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. What if she sabotages the relationship through guilt? I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. Why stab your partner in the heart, just to see if the relationship will still survive? And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. Kissing a man, I've just got into over the past couple years. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. if you believe you have to tell him exactly as you did here , if your friends you were with are also his say he can ask them . He is the best person I have ever met. Tell your husband. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. The playing field is even now according to statistics. I Was Raised By A 90 Years Old Ninja - Facebook Would they be as lenient? One day, he came over with a bottle of whisky and he had already been drinking. No matter how much we insist that "it's all good, bro, we're like, totally homies!", we don't mean it, not really. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? What should I do. I just knew it. The marriage itself trying to keep his father and the community happy, and just get my husband to consider the rest of the job force he worked in and the many his wants would affect with UAW seniority for a big three auto plant. I practise what I preach, me. find me on and follow me on. Go cold turkey. Because your significant other doesnt fully believe that you just kissed this person because you were intoxicated. When Having A Crush While In A Relationship Is OK (And When - HuffPost So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there? You're going through tests BY OTHERS to find out why you can't fall pregnant. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Three women and one guy went back. I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. I'm disgusted with myself to think I would do that after just the tiniest bit of attention and flattery. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. My husband always encouraged me to pursue music, and, when I told him that this guy wanted to give me advanced piano lessons, my husband was in favor of this. In a way you are trading his peace of mind for yours, do you really think that you will accomplish anything by doing that? My piano instructor came over once a week, usually on a Saturday when my husband was home. I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. Dont tell me now that youre in love with him.. We were not drunk. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. Look at your first kiss after divorce as a new beginning, a new chapter. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). I couldnt take it so I told him. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . "what the hell where we at?" My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. Free weekly email, Insta, and more - > https://linktr.ee/monogamish_me. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. Pre-kiss, the straight guys none of whom have ever kissed another man before are asked where society hasanyrules for interaction between heterosexual men. "Soz". My thread is called Hurt and Confused. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. She had gone to bed. but all of a sudden I feel REALLY angry. If you. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. That was crazy' and other awkward things. I have to admit that by kissing this guy whom I liked, I did cheat on my husband. The first step to a broken loyalty is a first kiss. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. She may mean it now, but maybe next week she wont, but you cannot rely on it..Is it a pattern of distrust? Take it away, expand if you please! Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? You're denying him that right and being selfish. Funny, I have never gotten amorous when I have had too much to drink. Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. Why don't I feel guilty for kissing another guy? - Quora (That'll do me nicely! I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. Are you sure all you did was kiss? Good luck. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. Pointer much appreciated, though. And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. Hey all. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. I'm taking it day by day. DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. :-). NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. When you conclude that your guilt is sending you an incorrect message, label your guilt as a false alarm, ignore it as best you can and make a fresh . Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. I didnt hear from my piano teacher for at least two weeks after that. Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. The short answer to your question, for this BPD is: No, I don't feel guilty. I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. Lee.. you are too funny. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. Apologize to your SO and tell him that you love him and only him. You don't have control over these things. JavaScript is disabled. I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses. And, he did little favors for me. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. Houston, this team needs to identify then agree over what's causing it. I had three I love your stories, Foxie. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. Personally, I think even innocently returning a kiss is cheating, although Id probably keep it to myself! In essence . This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). Better safe than sorry. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. Well, then, let me enlighten you. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again.