Carnac Alternatives and Similar Software | AlternativeTo up your turban. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. A: Tail of Two Cities. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? A: Fondue. Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Q: Name three movements. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? A: "Rose Bowl." A: Bible belt. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Carnac the Magnificent. Can't decide? [1] The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? A: Earth, Wind and Fire. Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. [1] Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. . Q. carnac the magnificent Memes & GIFs - Imgflip these envelopes, [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. The character was introduced in 1964. Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Is that a reptile? The character was introduced in 1964. A: Double trouble. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Hoffa. Carson Caucas 1984. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. Next. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. 40 Years Ago, Johnny Carson Tells Most Famous Joke - KPEL 96.5 , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? A: Putting on the dog. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos A: Plumber's helper. [applause]. Internet Forwards Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? be sending Georgia soon? A: Around the world in 80 days. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Hand made. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. A: England, France and Greece. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your contest. A: The Laughing Policeman. A: Disjoint. A: Rosy red cheeks. Carnac the Magnificent Turban/Hat Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush Modern Day Curses - Monte R Anderson - Author The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" A: Superbowl. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and A: Kaiser wrap. this year? A: Sha-na-na. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. A: Head and shoulders. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Line: 24 , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? A: Touchback. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. #10. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! A: Burn the candle at both ends. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Forum Novelties. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. A: David Frost. violence? A: Shareholder. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! A: Zippo Marx. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. The Johnny Carson Show. The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. The book is {\it May You! Line: 68 A: Grape Nuts. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. A: Kris Kristofferson Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. dickory? The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. A: Bi-focal. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. The Question: Name three famous puppets. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. The funny story above is a satire or parody. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". A: Short eyes. compartment in your sister. Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson GIF - Tenor sister's hope chest. A: Ultra-conservative. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php A: The ZIP Code. . Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . A: That darn cat. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. Screenkey. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The - YouTube Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Feel free to laugh, but beware! . Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. A: Pat and Debby Boone. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. seen them before. . Q: Where is the American dollar headed? which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . Welcome once again, O Great Sage. A: Cyclone. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Story. Q: Name two words that have no meaning. The Best of Carnac the Magnificent | The Joke Archives Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. . ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT A: Blazing Saddles. The answer was always an outrageous pun. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php A: "Coming home." May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. Source of Norm's "yak on the chest" Carson impression? Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to plunger. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com TORCH: Torah Weekly The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. A: Milk and honey. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! A: Snap, crackle, pop. car industry. A: Mount Baldy. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: Baja. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey.