The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. I didnt realize you were a cop.. "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.". Scott Cook 0 Likes Sponsored Links 57. They apply financial concepts in a general manner and include The officer asks the driver, Where are you going at this time of night? The man replies, Im on my way to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late. The officer asks, Who would give that kind of lecture at this time of night? The man says, My wife.. Officer: No, I am an undercover detective. Tourist: So, why are you in uniform? Officer: Today is my day off.. You will always have a home here. We've found several retirement quotes and sayings that will fit their personality. The officer looked at the mirror, handed it back and said, OK, you can go. Quote #20. Retired Legend . Because it was mugged. My wife gets mad at me because I always take things literally. A woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer. It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different. Zig Ziglar, Time is more valuable than money. Short Retirement Quotes, Wishes, & Sayings - Chaparral Winds Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap-heap. Unknown, "The best part about being retired is never having to request time off." Gene Perret, "Retirement is not in my vocabulary. Police Retirement Humor Posters for Sale | Redbubble Cop: Im going to follow you to the nearest police station. Me: What for? Cop: Ive forgotten the way. Tommy Cooper, Driver: No, officer, its Hi, how are you?'. Gail Sheehy, "Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked." Have you ever been pulled over for a speeding ticket that you didnt think you deserved? I call it bliss." Enjoy your freedom! 31 of the Best Retirement Jokes | ThinkAdvisor Dave Allen, "I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can't tell when you are done." Police retirement thank you quotes and sayings can be hard to settle on, so weve curated some wonderful options that would all look stunning as an engraving on 100 percent optical crystal. Maggie Kuhn, Sooner or later Im going to die, but Im not going to retire. I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drive into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Junior Seau. Why did the police arrest the star? George Bernard Shaw, The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know youll grow out of it. 56. 33. Grammar Police Funny Sarcasm Quotes Literary T-Shirt . Just buy the haystack. We, your Friends and Brothers, What is a police officers favorite type of tag? Retirement Plaque Wording Examples | DIY Awards We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy. Unknown, He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Unknown, There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Robert Half, Retirement: its nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, We make a living by what we get. So, he died of natural causes. Unknown, "How do you know it's time to retire? I got stopped last night by a police officer. The officer cuts him off, "Sir, you were going twice the speed limit, I'm going to issue a ticket." Insistent, the man pleads, "Please! 6. Simone De Beauvoir, The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work. See top 10 retirement one liners. Mason Cooley, Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. Some call it retirement; I call it bliss. Betty Sullivan, In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley, Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone. Andy Rooney, Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Oscar Wilde, The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement. Unknown, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. Terri Guillemets, I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, Retirement is not in my vocabulary. Hartman Jule, "I have never liked working. A cop gives a woman a speeding ticket, and she wants to know why he didnt give her a warning first. Hey Girl I'm Going To Retire Some Day Cheers To You Time To Come Out Of Retirement I Didn't Choose The Retired Life Did I Save Enough Money For Retirement Alcohol Retirement What Is This Retirement I Can't Wait To Retire What Do You Call A Person Who Is Happy On Monday Morning Retirement Here I Come I'm Late For Work Again Retiring Like A Boss He asked, Would it make a difference if I told you Im in the Air Force? The police officer replied, Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.. The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. Police Officer Gift Plaques & Custom Awards for Sale. Something pretty thats just the surface. Police Retirement Quotes and Plaque Wording Ideas Before you invest, investigate. 11. 34. Nellah McGough runs the day-to-day operations in the Southern Living Birmingham office, responds to reader questions and comments, manages freelancer contracts, and invoices. 80 Retirement Quotes - Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings Last updated: February 17, 2023 Retirement quotes are a fantastic way of making the retiree in your life feel recognized and appreciated. Woody Allen, I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. 60. Who works in tandem with the grammar police? Retirement Wishes Continued: Think about it, now you never have to ask for a day off again. 61. 124 Famous Funny Inspirational Retirement Quotes We tell 'em to get a life." The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay Martin it's your turn. Share this quote on facebook send via mail. Confucius, "Well, I didn't grow up with that word 'retirement' as part of my consciousness. Police are usually shocked that I have a record. To the People of the State of New York. Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. What is small, has a long tail and works with the police? Act like the inner young person you have always been." They arent going to get rid of me that way. Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesnt mean they dont appreciate a good joke. Author Unknown, Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Unknown, "I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box." Whos the most famous lawn detective? This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting. James M. Barrie, A man ought to work. My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for Halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. 3. Discover and share Police Retirement Quotes Funny. We all hope you enjoy your retirement. 161+ Funny Retirement Cake Sayings Will Make You Smile William A. Soren Kierkegaard, To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization , and at present very few people have reached this level. The world needs more police officers like you. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Samuel Johnson, Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. Gene Perret, "Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese." 6. West, You can never have the comeback if you dont have the retirement. Chael Sonnen, I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself. Walt Mossberg, Golf is played by 20 million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Jim Bishop, A lot of friends complain about their retirement. as He inspires you every day. Police say they have nothing to go on. shop 5STARGRAPHICDESIGN. Being a Boomer, my friends are beginning to retire or at least thinking about it. You Served Honestly, Faithfully and 8329 matching entries found. Say farewell to the retiring police warrior who sacrifice family time and safety in the name of duty with the heartfelt happy retirement wishes and tell them they will always be part of the family. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. 29. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. 1. 37. My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas. The best part about retirement is that you don t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing. It was mugged. There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Think of all the lives you've helped in your career. 13. Funny retirement sayings and quotes. What do you call a snake that informs the police? as you follow in His way, You cant win until you do this. RELATED: These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of. It takes a unique person to persevere to retirement, which is why police retirement quotes, sayings and plaque wording ideas should be taken seriously. If you are searching for funny retirement quotes, this list is for you! Finally a police car comes up. I call it bliss. The best part about retirement is that you don t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing. I did not write the law. Robert Delamontague, "Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money." Hello to a new adventure. I am graduating. Unknown, "Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house." Retirement Quotes - Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings "This Ain't Goodbye" by Train. 32. What Are The Very Early Signs Of Dementia? Enjoy.". All sorted from the best by our visitors. "Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home forever." - Gene Perret "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." - Fred Rogers "Retirement is not the end of the road. "We envy you, but are excited for you!". It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." A state trooper pulled a farmer over on a rural road and said, Sir, do you realize your brother fell out of the car several miles back?, To which the farmer replied, Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!, This article was originally published on Oct. 29, 2019, A Man Went Viral For Refusing To Give Up His Spot On A Ride To A Crying Child, An American Mom Shares The Utter Magic Of Danish Playgrounds. Before you spend, earn. One of my favorite parts of planning retirement parties is the opportunity to get all punny and think up funny cake sayings for retirement and invites. Fred Rogers, "For many, retirement is a time for personal growth, which becomes the path to greater freedom." 2. I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. C K. Spartan Police Theme Party Cop Party Lego Party Policeman Party Officer Party Police Officer 6th Birthday Parties Boy Birthday Birthday Ideas Police Birthday Invitation Printable by TwirlyDesigns on Etsy, $12.00 S Kim Childers Police Wife Life Police Family Cop: Where do you think youre going?, Driver: Donut shop, officer. Cop: At 80 miles per hour? Driver: I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.. Chris Pine, "Don't act your age in retirement. Unknown Army food: the spoils of war Unknown Friendly fire - isn't. Unknown 45. George Burns, Age is an issue of mind over matter. Sherriff, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, Retirement: worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. A personalized best wishes and inspirational quote is an ideal way to honor the retiring police officer who spent his or her lifetime protecting and serving the community. Before you retire, save. Your happy retirement wishes in a greeting card, email, or text are a pat on the back, a standing ovation, a hearty toast celebrating both the accomplishment and expectations that retirement represents.. Tailor your best wishes to the retiree as well as your level of relationship or appropriateness given your . 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It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Short police sayings the police must obey the law while enforcing the law earl warren nightmares come in many forms when you re a cop c. Taylor if we hand the relief items to police we are not sure it will reach the victims abdul razzaq the height of strategy is to attack your opponent s strategy sun tzu. 62. Funny Retirement One Liners Archives - Senior Living Services Top 69 Retirement Cake Sayings - Retirement Message Ideas 25. And what do they give us? Retirement means that you'll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. 20. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job" - Ella Harris. Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. Retirement Poems - treecards blog 53. This highway is completely empty. Driver: Thats what Im telling you Im really far behind.. A trisara-cop. For Your Loyal and Dedicated Service Doris Day, How old would you be if you didnt know how old you was? A police officer pulled me over and said, Papers.. A bloody clock!" 50+ Funny Retirement Quotes and Sayings | LoveToKnow What happened? Sargent: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner." Woman: "I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too." sergeant police joke confession woman driver speeding. Police Retirement Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2023 The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Funny Retired Police Officer Golf Retirement Gift T-Shirt 4.8 (9) $1999 FREE delivery Wed, Mar 8 on $25 of items shipped by Amazon Amazon Merch on Demand 5.0 (10) +4 colors/patterns Retirement Gift Ideas Police Officer Men or Women Mens Retired Police Officer Law Enforcement Sheriff Retirement T-Shirt 5.0 (1) $1799 The Badge law enforcement retirement poem honestly explore the sacrifices a career police officer must make. Read more quotes about aging, retirement and motivation: Sedona Winds Retirement Communityoffersindependent living in Sedona, Arizona, can help! Off the clock - for good! Your guide to financial planning and retirement, Community We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing. 21. comprehensive, reliable. for the rest of the department. A personal congratulations and appreciation message to honor the police officer on his or her retirement and let them know that they will be truly missed for years to come. They say, Speed Limit 65.'. A Retired Husband Becomes A Wife's Full-Time Job. Funny Retirement Quotes - Funny Quotes about Retirement to Make the Retiree Smiles. They said he was a real pro for a first offender. Present This to You as a Symbol of The word "retirement" strikes a chord with all human beings. The juicy bit of gossip everybody's been mouthing is that I'm going to retire. Antoine de Saint Exupery, In preparing for battle, I have found that plans are useless, but planning indispensable. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. Funny Quotes About Retirement "Age is an issue of mind over matter. Bruce Grocott, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. 25 Retirement Quotes to Begin the Next Phase of Your Life Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. only and are not investment advice. May the wife have a happy time. We will dearly miss you, your humor, and your jokes. I dont feel anything until noon. Officer: I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses. Driver: Officer, I have contacts. Officer: I dont care who you know, youre still getting a ticket.. "There is no elegant way to protect sheep from hungry wolves." -Unknown. Personalized Crystals to Celebrate Life's Moments 2023 DIYAwards.com. "The more your money works for you, the less you have to work for money.". You've got a new assignment officer - enjoying your retirement! retirement 627 GIFs. Funny Retirement Quotes. Pennsylvania State Police Department Seal A. 1) Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life. and may you find joy and peace Take Us With You! 54. Why did the police arrest the turkey? Retirement Wishes for a Police Officer - Wishes Messages Sayings Check out our police quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our prints shops. "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch" R C Sherriff. They arent going to get rid of me that way. Betty White, I need to retire from retirement. Sandra Day OConnor, Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. Kitty ONeill Collins, Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers, A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Ella Harris, When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Steve Young, Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. Act like the inner young person you have always been. J.A. Source Unknown, Gods retirement plan is out of this world. John Bogle, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Henry Moore, Musicians dont retire; they stop when theres no more music in them. of loyal and dedicated service to It's all lazy days from now on! Obviously . 623-975-0880. picclick.com. professionalism has set the tone on the next chapter in your life, Humorous Retirement Speech - write-out-loud.com 6. Source Unknown, Do it yourself retirement planning: easy, comprehensive, reliable. Charles Lamb. Unknown, If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. Our top 50 retirement quotes, wishes and sayings are useful for retirement cards. I cant get old; Im working. helpful non helpful. So increasingly will be peace. They serve and protect. A Life Long Friendship. Arthur E. Morgan, Before you speak, listen. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. Because it runs through your jeans. Weve also compiled some police officer happy retirement messages and wishes if youre looking for an inscription with a little more flexibility. With Great Honor and Recognition . retirement savings in an IRA or qualified plan such as a 401(k). There you will remain for the last of your days, alone and carrying the Law.". But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! 10. We collect and curate only the best quotes, and display them in a clutter free, aesthetic list. Retirement memes: Sometimes the good old joke gets, well, old. George Burns, You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing. Before cuffing the artist, he looked at the mural and said, Now that is bold.. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar? I'm still not retired." Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted. We, the members of the NYPD, Cop to perp: Did you kill this man?, Perp: No, he died of natural causes. Cop: He was shot! Perp: Right a bullet killed him. Oh, my friend, that can't be! Women go right on cooking." The 50 Funniest Quotes about Retirement - Curated Quotes Humorous quotes and messages. Discover and share Police Funny Quotes About Retirement. Many folks think they arent good at earning money, when what they dont know is how to use it. My dogs dont even own bikes. Retirement GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY "Congrats on being so tired that you had to retire.". "Enjoy being the master of absolutely nothing.". These words may help. There is no requirement that police stop a person who enters a police station and states that he wishes to confess a crime or a person who calls the police to offer a confession because volunteered statements of any kind are not barred by the 5th Amendment. So, I do it three or four times a day. Gene Perret, Im not just retiring from the company, Im also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. Hartman Jule, Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house. Unknown, Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it. Catherine Pulsifer, Youre retired goodbye tension, hello pension. Unknwon, Retirement is wonderful. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou, I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. Congratulations! Soni "It is better to live rich than to die rich." - Samuel Johnson Clarence Darrow, "I'm not just retiring from the company; I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron." The police retirement gifts listed above are awesome, for sure. Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors? Retirement humor | Retirement jokes for your farewell Unknown, "Retire from your job, but never retire your mind." "Won't You Celebrate with Me" by Lucille Clifton It's time to celebrate with loved ones. Brainyquote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. 33. George Foreman, People may live as much retired from the world as they like, but sooner or later they find themselves debtor or creditor to some one. Jerry Seinfeld, "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. 75 Funny Retirement Quotes - Quotes For Boss & Co-Worker Betty White. Amazon.com: Retired Police Shirt Financial peace isnt the acquisition of stuff. However, my alarm clock and I have several years before we can reach that point. Join us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. When you get retired of life, you become the nanny of your grandchildren. The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. Police Humor: 12 Jokes about Law Enforcement and Police Work Funny Police Retirement Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2023 Why did the police arrest the turkey? It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad, and I'd much rather say hello. "How did you get your answer?" "Easy," says Martin, "just subtract 191 from Wednesday." Funny military sayings - Special Speeches Congratulations. 59. Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. Walter Cronkite, "I'm always announcing my retirement. significant financial decision. 48. A Lifelong Friendship. John Barrymore, You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. Go make the most of your days and enjoy your retirement. Police Retirement. What are the cat police called? Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! 50+ Happy Retirement Wishes & Quotes | Greetings Island NewRetirement Planner and PlannerPlus are tools that I saw a fruit running from the police recently. Police Retirement Quotes Funny. QuotesGram Gene Perret, "My father calls acting 'a state of permanent retirement with short spurts of work.'" Retirement is just a never ending vacation. Unknown, "Retirement: World's longest coffee break." By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. What kind of dinosaur works for the police? The Best Letter Board And Cake Sayings For Retirement What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? Funny retirement teacher retirement party police sarcastic police humor funny jokes facebook status it is what it is funny facebook status jobs sarcasm smart alec. Congratulations on your well-earned retirement. 15. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. Why couldnt police notify the family of the murdered baker? Voltaire, The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. Abe Lemons, "We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to workand then we retire. Because he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand! in all your future endeavors! Steve Young, A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Thank you for all you've done and the legacy you've left for the next generation. When Can I Retire?, and Whats My Retirement Income. "Best wishes for an awesome retirement. vision, and trust you instill in us!